Scott arrives with an unexplained hickey on his neck, and despite an on-air competition where the team tries to get love bites, nobody can figure out who actually gave it to him. Meanwhile, listeners share stories about sweet old ladies who shamelessly push in at bus stops and supermarket queues.
The episode opens with Scott sporting a prominent love bite, which sparks an on-air competition. Edith Bowman judges hickeys from various team members. Laura attempts to get one using a Henry Hoover (a vacuum cleaner) in the studio; it doesn’t work immediately, but mysteriously appears later that evening and scores an eight out of ten. Scott claims his came from his mum, but his mum’s terrible acting makes that obviously false, so he goes without. Another team member gets a huge, evenly-coloured hickey from someone they refuse to name, scoring far higher.
The show then pivots to the feature “Sweet Old Ladies Are Evil,” exploring Scott’s theory that little old ladies get away with terrible behaviour because of their innocent appearance. They push into queues at bus stops and cashpoints without consequence. Listeners call in with stories: Tracy from the supermarket says old ladies ram her with shopping trolleys; Chloe witnessed a granny shoplifting a chocolate orange; another caller was shouted at (“get your hands off me, you little turd”) whilst trying to help an elderly woman across the road. The running joke is that Scott can’t wait to be an old lady so he can get away with antisocial behaviour. Phil from Swansea, calling from a bus, suggests a hidden-camera style feature where Scott dresses as an old lady to commit petty crimes. Nathan from Bristol contributes a story about an old lady driving through a zebra crossing with her finger up at him.
Finally, in the game “Who Gave Scott a Love Bite?”, listeners text in celebrity suggestions. Scott rings them to see if they react knowingly. Steve Strange doesn’t remember anything; Jodie Kiley claims innocence (though the team suspects she’s lying); and Lorraine Kelly’s overly enthusiastic response suggests she might know more than she’s letting on.
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