Scott reveals “secrets of the female mind” from a men’s magazine article, and the responses from female callers range from amused confession to outright fury at having their tactics exposed. Meanwhile, there’s a parade of stories about attempts to look cool that end in disaster—from Scott’s own tumble down wet steps at the Upstage filming to a caller who walked into a glass squash court door trying to impress his ex.
Scott opens with his own embarrassing moment from the previous night’s filming of Upstage (the BBC 3 talent show) where he fell down a set of wet stone steps in front of about fifteen people. This prompts a series of caller contributions about trying to look cool and failing spectacularly—including tales of walking into glass walls, lamp posts, and one caller who crashed into a glass squash court door while showing off to his ex-girlfriend and her friends. Chappers and Dave ring in from their Sport Relief challenge tour, reporting from Wiggen where they’re on mile five of their run, with both having set personal bests at earlier legs. They discuss being featured on stadium screens at football matches and encourage donations via text.
The main feature centres on an article Scott found in a men’s health-style magazine listing “secrets of the female mind.” The claims—that girls deliberately leave underwear at flats to encourage return visits, Google-stalk their boyfriends, check up on exes’ new girlfriends, and keep their “numbers” low by recycling calls to ex-partners—prompt a stream of female callers, some confirming the behaviour, others angrily denying it. One memorable call features a caller describing how her overprotective mother used to spy on her in pubs wearing different wigs and dark glasses. The segment becomes increasingly playful as female listeners ring in either to confess or to protest loudly at their tactics being publicly exposed. Throughout, Scott maintains that “girls are evil” and marvels at how the female code has been cracked.
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