Dear Scott
Listeners wrote about meeting Beccy at Big Weekend, with one pair saying she had been lovely while Scott was merely “all right”. Beccy admitted she initially thought their excitement was a prank because they specifically recognised her from Beccy’s Classifieds.
Another listener said Swindon had experienced its best weekend ever, while a student revising for finals had discovered Wing’s catalogue on iTunes and was struggling not to buy it all.
A correspondent said Scott’s slow Westwood impression sounded more like Mr Burns from The Simpsons. Scott accepted that one impression sometimes accidentally became the other.
Pupils at Scott’s former school asked for luck with GCSEs, prompting discussion of a forthcoming school reunion that Scott did not particularly want to attend. Nine-year-old Amy announced that she had finished her SATs and was gently told not to brag.
Further messages asked whether BBC security would admit time travellers sent to collect Scott and pointed out that a time machine would not automatically make Beccy younger.
What Are Those Old People On About?
In this feature, people at an older people’s centre described photographs of current celebrities without naming them.
Peter Andre was described as a young pop star with pointed hair “like a cathedral”, a thumb inside the waistband of his trousers and an appearance one woman found very sexy. The decisive clues were his famous relationship and his partner forgetting the words to Mysterious Girl.
Edith Bowman proved harder. She was described as fashionable, wearing glasses, looking as though she might work in a dress shop and resembling Camilla Parker Bowles. One description also sounded as though she had been seen with a man in a bookmaker’s.
Alan Sugar was described as a bearded television man who pointed, said “yes” repeatedly, became angry and frightened viewers. Some initial guesses included Gordon Brown and television presenters before the team reached the correct answer.
Oh, What’s Occurring?
People on Stupid Street were asked to describe Piers Morgan in exactly three words. Answers included “a very nice man”, “self-obsessed idiot”, “smug face” and remarks about his large head and hair, although several people ignored the three-word rule.
The second round counted Mr Methane’s flatulent notes during his Britain’s Got Talent audition. He produced 37 before all three judges had buzzed.
For the final round, Casualty’s voice was slowed to make her sound drunk before she called Fabio Capello. She asked for pizza, said she was Casualty and made increasingly inappropriate remarks. Capello remained patient and polite for about two minutes.
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