Two heads, one jumper
Chris finally brought in the joint present he had promised: a single Christmas jumper with two head holes and one usable arm on either side. He and Scott put it on together, briefly enjoying the idea that Chris could enter any event as part of Scott.
Practical problems appeared immediately. They had to move as one person, both became hot and two unseen hands wandered around inside the middle. Chris wanted to wear it for the whole show; Scott removed it after only a few minutes.
Tree inadequacy
Scott had properly examined his Christmas tree and found it annoyingly thin, asymmetrical and bending slightly to the right. Trees in magazines and films looked perfectly full, evenly decorated and almost airbrushed, creating an unattainable festive standard.
Listeners were called to discuss their own. David’s was too large to get through a doorway and had needed its top folded over. Vicky disguised an uneven shape with a model train. Ross needed two people to erect his and said it had begun to droop and drip. Faye’s tree was bushy at the bottom, tragically thin in the middle and unable to support its star, yet she remained extremely proud of it. None of them made Scott feel better before his mother saw his effort.
Pardoning the Turkey Hotline
After watching Barack Obama’s annual ceremony, Scott still wanted to pardon a turkey. He called the British Turkey information line, where Jane explained that she could advise him how to cook one but had no live birds available. Most Christmas turkeys were already beyond saving.
Unable to abandon the bit, Scott asked to pardon Jane instead. He adapted Obama’s speech, thanked Chris for standing beside him and declared the “turkey woman” a free bird. Even he accepted that it was not among the strongest things the show had done.
Chris continued postponing his shopping while Scott previewed Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg’s visit. Greg James played Real or No Real, and the programme’s own “Perfect Christmas Single” returned with plans to persuade a major singer to cover it one day.
—
COMMENTS