The Hamper Trumps injury
Chris arrived in pain and believed he had cracked a rib when he fell from his chair during Friday’s Hamper Trumps. A nurse friend thought the symptoms matched, although he had not visited a doctor and was relying partly on Scott’s equally unqualified internet diagnosis.
The explanation sounded so pathetic that Chris considered inventing a better one. Scott accepted indirect responsibility but observed that the chain of events began with Theresa May’s gift to the Trumps, making the incoming US administration a more satisfying target for blame.
Yass spreads around the world
Serena Williams shouted “yes” after winning the Australian Open, leading Scott to claim that his favourite expression was taking over international sport. A listener then discovered Yass FM, the radio station serving the Australian town the show had previously called.
The station’s jingles created immediate possibilities for a transfer, although Scott’s poor Australian accent and inability to deliver serious news without shouting “Yass” made employment unlikely. Chris noted that the phrase existed long before Scott, but accepted that years of hearing him use it had made the sound inseparable from the programme.
What girls actually want
Scott asked women to abandon broad claims about kindness and good eyes and explain the details which genuinely affected attraction. The answers were highly specific and often contradictory.
One woman wanted a date to research her online and know that she had completed half-marathons. Another rejected a second date because the man brought an excessively large golf umbrella. Other requirements included correct grammar, musical ability, fitness with room for pizza, looking good without visible effort and being confident enough to entertain strangers at a wedding. One caller simply wanted Ryan Gosling’s muscles, dancing and swan-filled boat from The Notebook, leaving the men no closer to a practical formula but keen to continue the feature.
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# February 2017
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