Chris becomes a secret vegetarian
Scott discovered from somebody they met in the street that Chris had quietly stopped eating meat. Chris denied announcing a permanent change and explained that he had simply overdone meat at Christmas, but Scott was offended that a friend had learned the news before him.
The argument was complicated by Chris’s recent pepperoni lunch and Scott’s habit of eating packets of wafer-thin turkey. A planned Chinese meal presented the next test because Chris normally ordered crispy chilli beef and had no convincing vegetarian replacement.
Strange messages from Sean Paul
Sean Paul had tweeted Scott twice since New Year despite not following him. The messages appeared to contain a growled “errr” and little explanation, leaving Scott unsure whether he was receiving praise, an insult or a version of the artist’s familiar vocal sounds.
Chris suggested replying with one of Sean Paul’s own catchphrases, but every attempt sounded like a different performer. Scott decided he would accept a follow before investing any more effort in decoding the messages.
Fake news reaches Stupid Street
The phrase “fake news” was everywhere, so the programme returned to Stupid Street to test whether members of the public would believe obviously invented reports when approached by producer Tom carrying a BBC microphone.
Several people accepted that Bulgaria had banned toilet paper for environmental reasons and suggested hoses or the Roman method of a sponge on a stick. Others considered whether atmospheric pressure from fog could make people wet themselves. The final claim said Holly Willoughby always wore jackets to hide two fully tattooed arms. One interviewee destroyed it by remembering Holly visiting a school without either sleeves or tattoos, proving that even Stupid Street had limits.
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