Scott and the team create a chaotic audition video for Laura to submit as P. Diddy’s personal assistant, after the rapper’s MySpace profile advertises the position online.
The show opens with a segment riffing on P. Diddy’s MySpace messages, where he’s advertising for a new personal assistant. Scott jokes that this could be a perfect opportunity for Laura and suggests she submit a video audition. The requirements outlined are deliberately absurd: you need a special talent, reading and writing skills, a college degree, and willingness to travel to London and Milan, attend red carpets, and jump out of planes.
Scott insists Laura make a video immediately, as the closing date appears to be imminent (today or tomorrow). The team scrambles to find a working video camera, with much fumbling about the technical side. Once recording begins, Laura delivers an over-the-top audition in which she introduces herself as being from “Old York” (after initially saying New York), declares her love for Diddy’s work including “Touch the Sky” and references to the Diana concert, and makes a suggestive comment about his rumoured relationship with Beyoncé. She promises discretion and claims her experience as Scott’s PA will make the job easy. She attempts an impromptu dance, nearly kicking the camera before Scott mercifully stops the tape.
The segment also features banter about Scott describing Laura as his PA in various ways—picking up his dry cleaning, retrieving his lost phone, reminding him of his mum’s birthday—which she disputes, leading to gentle mock-conflict about whether he appreciates her. Scott pitches the idea that listeners can vote for Laura to win the PA position, which would guarantee her appointment whether Diddy has a say or not.
The episode also includes a Radio 1 promotional segment about the “Bare All” website covering sex and education, with an intentional link made to Radio 2 travel presenter Sally Traffic, whose surname perfectly suits her job.
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