The anecdotes attached to songs
Scott discussed the stories that members of the team repeated whenever particular records were played.
I See You Baby by Groove Armada always prompted the story that somebody had once met Grandma Funk on a train. Another Groove Armada record reminded Scott of the disputed claim that he had saved Róisín Murphy’s life. House of Pain’s Jump Around came with a story about a Northern Irish club where the ceiling was so low that people hit their heads when they jumped.
The latest example belonged to the quieter member of the production team, who said every time Pendulum was played: “I share the same dentist as one of Pendulum.” Scott clarified that his greeting to Riz was for the dentist rather than the musician.
Fern Cotton on the speaking clock
Comic Relief had arranged for celebrities to record Britain’s speaking clock. Fern Cotton supplied the time and then blew kisses after the announcement.
Scott repeatedly called to hear the different recordings and compared the sound of Fern’s kisses. The team also discussed whether the voice used by a telephone service could become attractive simply through repetition.
The sexiest automated phone voice
Listeners nominated automated telephone voices they found appealing.
The contenders included the women heard when calling Orange, O2, Virgin Media and NatWest. Scott preferred the Virgin Media voice, while others supported the O2 or Orange recordings.
The NatWest message welcomed callers and offered options for banking enquiries, personal loans and overdrafts. Scott joked that its seductive delivery might persuade somebody to accept the credit crunch.
A listener then nominated the recorded voice at a magistrates’ court fines and penalties office. The woman calmly explained opening hours and warned of high call volumes. Scott said the recording almost made receiving a parking ticket worthwhile.
The Biggleswade texter
The programme regularly received a stream of surreal texts from an unidentified listener believed to be from Biggleswade. The messages repeatedly used the words “Doot” and “Munt” and moved between unexplained characters and events without a coherent story.
The Posh Radio 4 Lady read a new selection in her formal announcing voice.
One claimed Mr Papa Sokalu Badman had used a Ouija board, begun spinning his head and spat a sausage at the family before Mr Breeze arrived to exorcise him.
Another said Dada had put a fizz bomb in the fish tank and tried to climb inside dressed as a seahorse. A shorter message simply thanked somebody for macaroons.
Further texts mentioned a bed and breakfast in London, Greek Street, Swingball in a Madonna suite and unexplained people called Uncle Chris and Randy Andy.
One said the family were going to the cinema “to knit” and watch My Bloody Valentine in 3D, even though Lucy was already cross-eyed. Another claimed Big Mama was haunting the house and that Alice had seen a luminous bra floating on the stairs.
The final message remembered Auntie Lott suffering diarrhoea in a car on the M4, with a smell supposedly detectable in Cardiff and Shake ’n’ Vac required afterwards.
Listeners said they had begun using “Doot” and “Munt” at home and work. Even the Posh Radio 4 Lady admitted that the language had entered her own conversations.
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