Beccy’s Classifieds
In Beccy’s Classifieds, Greg James read genuine internet adverts collected by Beccy, while Scott and Chappers decided whether the objects were useful, disgusting or simply inexplicable.
Designer feather false eyelashes inspired by butterflies were offered for £8 with glue included. Scott could not understand why anybody would want feathers on their eyelids.
A set of used false teeth was free to a good home because the owner’s grandmother had received a new pair. The seller suggested displaying them in a window or placing them beneath a pillow for the tooth fairy. Scott calculated that 32 individual teeth might produce a profitable scam if children now received £1 per tooth.
Another person wanted a coin-operated bulk nut dispenser of the sort found in pubs or public toilets. The team discussed similar machines dispensing jelly beans, sweets and disposable toothbrushes.
A free pencil was described as mature, wise and useful for pressing tiny reset buttons. It had no eraser, although the advertiser claimed a talented carpenter could attach one.
A hand-knitted pink chick cost £4. Its open bottom could hold a crème egg or supposedly three Ferrero Rocher, a claim Beccy disputed on grounds of size.
The final advert offered a two-week-old slice of toast named Dave. The owner said it had not deteriorated and wanted to swap it for another object. Scott was briefly more interested after learning it was made from thick-sliced Warburtons bread.
Dear Scott
Dear Scott used a mock-formal Radio 4 voice to read listener correspondence before the team responded.
A Chilean radio and television presenter wrote that he and Scott had several things in common: both were tall, slim, good-looking and had large ears.
He said attractive people liked prominent ears and that a former partner had enjoyed touching and even putting them in her mouth. Scott said he disliked anybody touching his ears.
The listener sent a photograph, and the team concluded that his ears were considerably larger than Scott’s. They also found video of him appearing on a Chilean version of Strictly Come Dancing.
The Danny Howard Guru
Scott played a new video by a contributor from Unofficial Mills who called himself the Danny Howard Guru.
The fan had previously created a YouTube channel devoted to Danny Howard and now produced a full video version of Oh, What’s Occurring?
One round asked six classmates whether they liked his curtains. Three said yes, allowing viewers to award themselves a point if their prediction was closest.
Scott was impressed by the effort and joked that the fan had developed an interactive television version before Radio 1 had managed to do so.
Skins
The team also discussed Skins, including the new series, its characters and whether viewers still connected with the programme after cast changes.
The transcript preserves a longer conversation about the show rather than a single isolated joke.
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