Beccy’s Classifieds
A seller offered an old brown “bachelor” sofa free in exchange for a decent case of beer. Four people could sit on it, many drunken friends had slept on it and, according to the advert, nobody had vomited on it during the owner’s care. Chappers was put off by the repeated references to the “bum joy” it had provided.
Another person had lost a cardboard box containing 10,000 live food crickets on the Underground. They were intended for three bearded dragons, and the advert warned that opening the box would make the situation “really hopping”.
A desperate worker asked strangers to find a hobby for her newly retired mother, who now phoned and emailed constantly about fonts, old clothes and directions to a wedding still months away.
The final item was a used toilet brush for £4. Its blue-and-white bristles were worn flat from use, but the seller praised its soft grip and scallop-shaped plastic holder. The team unanimously rejected it.
Dear Scott
One listener described Beccy as a newly established sex symbol and asked whether she would pose for FHM, Nuts or Zoo. Beccy said she would consider it only if her head could be airbrushed onto somebody else’s body.
Another letter asked who the blonde woman apparently having an affair with a bookmaker had been in the previous day’s old-people feature. The answer was Edith Bowman, not an actual affair.
The correspondence also covered school-leavers signing one another’s shirts, recent programme jokes and listeners attempting to identify people or references from earlier features.
Japanese lessons
The team played an online Japanese-language lesson and attempted to repeat its phrases.
The humour came from the exaggerated delivery, mistranscribed sounds and Scott, Beccy and Chappers confidently imitating words they did not properly understand.
Oh, What’s Occurring?
Tinchy Stryder was challenged to speak about Lily Allen without hesitating, changing the subject or repeating himself. He began “Yeah, Lily Allen, yeah”, meaning he repeated “yeah” after roughly one second.
On Beat the Star, Vernon Kay repeatedly avoided using contestants’ names by calling them “gentlemen”. He said the word 18 times in one episode.
For “Stupid Street’s Got Talent”, five people demonstrated or described their skills. One juggled shoes, two attempted Britney Spears songs, one struggled to remember jokes and another said his talent was speaking to people and giving them satisfaction. Singing was the most common talent.
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