Listeners send in cringe-worthy love songs recorded by their exes trying to win them back — and Scott and the team dissect them with brutal honesty, including a Birmingham rapper’s dramatic bid to reunite with his ex-girlfriend Laura.
The show kicks off with a celebration of the Flirt Divert number (07774 914), a fake phone number to hand out to unwanted approaches in bars and clubs. The team play back hilarious voicemails left on the number over the weekend, including someone who found a balloon in the park, a mysterious postcard about relocating to Wales, and a particularly memorable caller named “Johnty Royal” — a name Scott is convinced doesn’t actually exist.
The main feature focuses on songs sent in by exes attempting to win back their former partners. Laura comes into the studio with a CD her ex-boyfriend made for her about a year after their breakup. His track is a bizarre mix of earnest verse and aggressive rap chorus, complete with dramatic ad-libs. Scott finds the contrast jarring and slightly unsettling, though he grudgingly admits the production is “quite clever.” Laura reveals he was a Birmingham rapper, and Scott questions whether he ever actually wooed her with his musical talents in the first place — suggesting she probably should have ended things sooner.
Throughout the episode, the team also play the Flirt Divert messages, noticing what appears to be the same girl giving out the number to multiple callers in quick succession, treating each interaction with clinical efficiency. There’s also a smooth operator quoting lines like “nice one, babe,” and someone named Brian trying to reconnect as “a friend of Mike” — a call nobody would ever return.
The overall theme is one of uncomfortable romantic gestures: whether it’s unsolicited love songs or persistent exes, the show celebrates people’s desire to avoid these situations entirely through the simple act of handing out a fake number.
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