Scott and a guest explore which musical instruments make people more attractive, testing out drums, violin, cello, saxophone and bassoon to comic effect, while also reviewing celebrity charity artwork and discussing Scott’s inability to whistle.
The show opens with Scott doing an impression of the National Lottery draw, complete with Alan’s bingo-caller voice announcing an 80 million trillion pound rollover jackpot. He then confesses to feeling inadequate about not being able to whistle — particularly after noticing someone doing an impressive wolf whistle at a Prince gig — and discovers his guest can’t do it either. The conversation extends to other skills they both lack: neither can do the armpit fart noise, and Scott admits to having never been good at drawing.
This leads into a segment reviewing celebrity artwork created for charity. They discuss pieces by Kate Winslet (a simple drawing of her bottom), Gale Porter (traffic lights with faces on each light showing different moods), and Mackenzie Crook (praised as genuinely impressive). Connie Hutton’s oil pastel still life of fruit and wine draws particular criticism. Scott and his guest decide to draw their own artwork — an owl, a crocodile, and a cat — to be published online so listeners can compare their efforts.
The latter half pivots to a theory about which musical instruments make people more attractive. Scott performs improvisations on various instruments — drums, violin, cello, saxophone and bassoon — with his guest providing feedback on the attractiveness factor. Drums emerge as the clear winner, with violin and cello also rated positively. Listeners text in with their own instrument observations, including a mention of Kate Nash’s violinist from Reading Festival coverage and suggestions that keyboards and saxophones also have appeal. The segment concludes with Scott as a sports journalist who plays bassoon, drawing a lukewarm response.
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