Dear Scott
Dear Scott was the programme’s correspondence feature. The Posh Radio 4 Lady read listener emails aloud before Scott, Beccy and Chappers answered them.
Laughing on a bus in Poland
Matthew, a listener in Poland, said he had downloaded the podcast for two years.
While travelling home from school, he laughed aloud at the programme. Three intimidating men in hooded tops believed he was laughing at them.
Matthew tried to explain, but another funny moment played through his headphones and made him laugh again. He left the bus ten stops early with what he described as a mixture of fear and laughter on his face.
Scott advised people not to listen to the podcast near suspicious-looking strangers if they could not control their reactions.
Mrs Fleming corrects Scott
Scott’s former teacher, Alison Fleming, wrote again after he had discussed a school camping trip to the New Forest.
She clarified that being in the “upper band” meant being in a combined Year 5 and Year 6 group, not necessarily being academically superior. She nevertheless insisted that Scott had been a bright pupil.
Mrs Fleming said the trip had involved cooking fried bread over open fires and allowing pupils to build dens. She believed modern health-and-safety rules might make some of those activities harder to organise.
She also corrected Scott’s grammar, saying that as somebody who had taught him English she was “mortified” whenever he used the phrase “off of”.
The New Forest reunion
Julie Drew, another former pupil, remembered the same camping trip and claimed to possess an embarrassing photograph of Scott wearing a brown anorak on Lymington Pier.
She had previously sent the image to Chris Moyles, although Scott said it seemed to have disappeared.
Julie also remembered a rope swing over a stream and invited Scott to a school reunion in July. She told him that his former classmates did not see him as famous, only as “Scott, our old school mate”.
Scott apologised for a childhood rhyme claiming “Julie Drew smells of poo”, clarifying that she had not actually smelled and that the phrase had only existed because the words rhymed.
The podcast as insomnia treatment
Naomi from Somerset said the show had saved her life because she had suffered from insomnia for years.
After loading her iPod with episodes of Scott Mills Daily, she found that listening allowed her to fall asleep.
The only side effect was dreams full of horses, bins, cling film, German-speaking dachshunds and small Welsh islands.
Kelly and Mudflap
Kelly Ford, presenter of the Kelly and Mudflap Show in Denver, Colorado, had discovered Scott through satellite radio after the merger of Sirius and XM.
Her children debated what Scott meant when he said “What’s occurring?”, so she asked for an explanation.
Kelly proposed an international show swap: Scott’s team would broadcast from Denver while Kelly and Mudflap came to Radio 1.
Scott played extracts from their country-radio podcast, including recipes, horoscopes and references to Boone’s Farm wine. He liked the exaggerated southern presentation but objected that they would not be allowed to turn Radio 1 into a country station without permission.
The slow cooker letter
A university student named James asked whether he should buy a slow cooker.
He worried that other students might laugh because the appliance took hours rather than minutes to prepare a meal.
The team encouraged him to buy one but extended the joke by suggesting he also obtain an electric blanket, a knee rug, a Teasmade, a foot spa and one enormous slipper for both feet.
The Biggleswade texter
The programme regularly received dozens of surreal texts from an unidentified person believed to live near Biggleswade.
The messages were easy to recognise because they repeatedly used “Doot” and “Munt” and featured recurring characters including Bloodwyn, Mr Von Flucke and Hoffman.
Examples claimed that Barry had experienced its first snow since 1926, Bloodwyn was sitting on Mr Von Flucke and Hoffman’s lap “red as a beetroot”, and somebody’s toupee had blown away in Mykonos.
Other messages described naked bingo at the Tivoli, Bloodwyn failing her driving test by travelling the wrong way around a roundabout, and Dada mistaking a television cable for liquorice.
The Posh Radio 4 Lady read a selection while Scott admitted that the team had started using “Doot” and “Munt” in ordinary office conversation.
Oh, What’s Occurring?
Scott’s flatmate had recently split from his girlfriend and was considering a pet. Suggestions had included a ferret, a parrot and a teacup pig.
Scott phoned him using recordings of Napoleon from Parrot Idol. The flatmate asked whether it was his sister Jo, checked whether the caller was all right and eventually said they had the wrong number.
He stayed on the call for 33 seconds, making Chappers’ prediction of 20 seconds closer than the alternative estimate.
The second round counted food references made by Sara Cox across four programmes.
The montage included pork, gravy, parsley, cheese, doughnuts, chicken, crab, sugar, cheesecake, chilli chicken, trifle, Indian food, curry, tandoori dishes and pizza.
Sara mentioned food 64 times. One prediction of 60 was closest, winning the point.
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