Chris survives his first panel-show recording
Chris had completed his first recording as a team captain on Virtually Famous. The guests included Jeremy Vine, Rachel Riley and Tyger Drew-Honey. Chris remembered saying a couple of things, which he considered a reasonable start, but worried about sitting among comedians whose jokes arrived much faster than his.
Scott said he would grow into the role. The important first lesson was to keep contributing, because a guest could easily appear silent after editing even when they had been present for the entire recording.
Is Pharrell really going to Newry?
A Belfast Telegraph report said Pharrell Williams would appear at a nightclub in Newry. The club’s marketing manager called it a huge signing and its resident DJ celebrated being on the same bill as one of the world’s coolest artists. Chris had played the venue and knew it was busy, but neither presenter could reconcile a local club night with an artist booked to play arenas.
Listeners in Northern Ireland insisted they had seen posters. Other theories suggested a tribute act or performers called Farrell and Williams. The newspaper article then disappeared, and the club’s Facebook page said the event was postponed for reasons outside its control. Scott and Chris never obtained a satisfying explanation, but their suspicion that something had been lost in translation looked increasingly justified.
A final shower for Huw Stephens
Huw Stephens arrived with a fresh haircut before a weekend of BBC Two, Radio 1 and online Glastonbury coverage. Scott described Innuendo Bingo as his final wash for several days, although reports of heavy rain at Worthy Farm suggested that the festival would provide another.
An abundance of live sport had filled Scott’s inbox. Wimbledon commentators wanted to “see a crack” and admired a player who looked “well drilled”. A contestant on The Chase still opened a back door with a spoon. Phil Neville said it was the first time Jack Wilshere had alternated his legs, while football commentary noted what Greek players liked and could get off all day long.
Classic clips included pig-shed cries from The Archers, Eoin Morgan training with wet balls and a BBC Breakfast question about what was in Carol Kirkwood’s little box. The final visit to the pig shed went on so long that Huw and Chris had to keep refilling their mouths. Huw departed fully soaked, ready to report from the festival and with no need for another studio shower.
The crime-watch celebrity on the train
Scott had worn sunglasses on a sunny train and went to buy a sandwich and soft drink. The person serving asked whether he had seen Scott on Crimewatch, then noticed his £20 note and remarked that somebody was doing well for himself.
Chris decided the sunglasses had made Scott look like an arrogant celebrity, while Scott wondered whether he resembled an actual wanted man. The exchange became more troubling because the attendant appeared to recognise fame without identifying where it came from.
Chris confesses his horror-film technique
Chris found an old online video in which a calm drive through the countryside is interrupted by a screaming monster. He showed it to John from the office under the pretence of testing relaxation and hypnotherapy techniques. John concentrated on the moving car, then recoiled and screamed when the face appeared. Chris failed to capture the ideal camera angle but replayed the reaction slowly with additional sound effects.
The prank led to a confession. Chris had hated horror films since he was about 15, even though he attended them on dates and appeared completely unmoved. His technique was to choose a bottom corner of the cinema screen and stare at it for the entire film. The action remained in his peripheral vision and lost much of its impact, allowing him to look brave without watching properly.
Listeners admitted to the same trick. Others crossed their eyes, watched the head of the person in front or read scripts in advance so they knew when to take cover. Scott considered two hours of staring at a corner a poor night out, but Chris recommended it to anybody facing a horror-film date.
Greg James calculates the risk of Luis Suárez
Greg James played Real or No Real before leaving for Glastonbury. Two members of Five Seconds of Summer did not have older sisters who had appeared in Neighbours, despite the programme’s long history and Australia’s relatively small population.
A footballer really was statistically more likely to be bitten by Luis Suárez than a person was to be bitten by a shark. The calculation used Suárez’s three televised biting incidents and the number of opponents he had faced; a Swedish gambler had also won at odds of 175–1 by betting that he would bite somebody during the World Cup.
Hollyoaks actor Will Mellor really had released a cover of Wham!’s “I’m Your Man” for Children in Need, with Fearne Cotton appearing in the video. Eggheads presenter Jeremy Vine did not spray cue cards with his wife’s perfume during long recordings. Greg scored 40 points and won the round before heading towards the festival.
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