Scott returns with some troubling Spanish souvenirs
Scott was back after five days in Mallorca with his family. The holiday had been relaxing, but shopping with his mother had exposed an odd split in the island’s souvenir trade. One side of each shop offered towels, lotion and wooden bowls; the other displayed rude bottle openers, postcards and sculptures that were impossible to ignore while browsing with a parent.
Even choosing evening television had become awkward. The Wolf of Wall Street and Game of Thrones were both abandoned as unsuitable family viewing, leaving Scott to wonder whether every modern programme now contained a scene he would rather not watch beside his mum.
The secret admirers of Mrs Brown’s Boys
The Mrs Brown’s Boys D’Movie had topped the box office despite reviews so hostile that Annie Mac described it as an embarrassment to Ireland and its people. Scott and Chris did not understand the appeal either, but the takings proved that somebody was buying tickets.
They created an anonymous confessional for fans who were too ashamed to admit it publicly. Callers were disguised by a voice changer and given false names. “Fred” and “Shelley” tried to describe their favourite scenes, only to discover that jokes which had worked in the cinema sounded desperately unfunny when retold on Radio 1.
Scott insisted that viewers should not have to hide. Chris was less convinced: the anonymous helpline had merely demonstrated how difficult it was to explain the film without making everybody involved feel worse.
Greg James opens G in the Park
Greg James had moved into the grounds of BBC Scotland for G in the Park, a miniature festival created before Radio 1 travelled to T in the Park. It had a stage, campsite, VIP area, campfire and portable toilets, while two listeners would camp with Greg each night. The whole experiment was being streamed online and through the Red Button.
Scott contributed by filling Greg’s security bag with objects designed to cause trouble at the entrance. There were pink handcuffs, petroleum jelly, latex gloves, Just For Men beard dye, pre-signed “Keep it wacky” DJ cards, a framed photograph of Matt Edmondson in his underwear and Greg’s Radio Academy award. A bundle of fake council correspondence complained solemnly about bins, civic blazers and the festival marquee.
The security staff read everything aloud while Greg tried to explain. CHVRCHES had withdrawn through illness, so the Red Hot Chilli Pipers stepped in as the first headliner; meanwhile Greg began the week already surrounded by a framed Matt Edmondson and paperwork suggesting that the local authority considered him a menace.
Real or No Real goes fishing
Greg stayed for Real or No Real. The Vamps had not been ranked among the world’s most influential anglers, although the claim sounded just plausible enough in a week when pop stars seemed to appear on every possible list. A study really had found that many men preferred administering electric shocks to themselves rather than sitting alone with nothing to do.
The result fitted the afternoon: whether hiding a taste for Mrs Brown’s Boys, unpacking suspicious luggage or camping outside a BBC office, nobody on the programme appeared comfortable with quiet reflection.
COMMENTS