The Green Goddess
Chris had accepted an invitation to cycle with his girlfriend’s father. The father arrived on a powerful new bike, while Chris borrowed an old green machine from the shed and named it the Green Goddess.
What began as a sociable ride quickly felt like a test. Chris had to pedal constantly while the newer bike appeared to move with almost no effort, and his girlfriend’s father repeatedly accelerated ahead. The pain remained the following day whenever Chris tried to sit down.
Another ride was already being discussed. Chris planned to return with modern equipment, full cycling clothes and a camera, treating the family outing as a race he now had to win.
The Hoff takes his seat
David Hasselhoff visited to promote his scripted comedy Hoff the Record. He understood that the show used an exaggerated version of his real life, but was less clear about why Scott wanted him to sit opposite Chris with a mouth full of water.
The Hoff initially kept on an expensive-looking jacket whose lining carried a picture of his girlfriend. Scott feared for both the clothing and the guest, particularly when Hasselhoff appeared reluctant enough to become the game’s first celebrity walkout.
He stayed and completed clips from Bargain Hunt, athletics and factual television. Chris wore a “Don’t Hassel the Hoff” shirt and absorbed the spray, while Scott praised the guest for sitting there and taking it “like a Hoff”.
Planning the first walkout
Afterwards, Scott and Chris discussed what they would do when somebody eventually refused to continue. Walking out required a level of fame high enough to make the gesture impressive, and Scott imagined Taylor Swift issuing an open letter about the experience.
They agreed that if a lesser celebrity appeared ready to leave, Chris should walk first. That would protect the guest while allowing the programme to claim its dramatic exit.
Ed Sheeran predicts the future
Chris had become fascinated by Ed Sheeran’s old tweets, written before stadium shows and enormous record sales made every comment newsworthy. The archive showed an emerging singer still busking, sleeping on friends’ sofas and confidently predicting which artists would become important.
Chris searched Scott’s account for similar declarations, uncovering forecasts about musicians whose careers had not always developed as expected. Scott’s old certainty about Chiddy Bang looked much less prophetic beside the evidence of Sheeran’s rise.
Greg James then played Real or No Real while imitating Alan Dedicoat. Greg won 30 points to 20, but his announcement voice became more memorable than the facts.
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