Chris delivers an unseen lecture
The final Student Tour programme was a homecoming for Chris at the University of Southampton. Scott took over a 09:00 maths lecture and sent Chris to the front with a presentation he had never seen.
The slides turned into an account of Chris’s own romantic failures, including the pancake date and other stories he would not have chosen to share with a lecture theatre. Scott inserted audio and video without warning, forcing Chris to improvise connections between each embarrassing revelation and the supposed academic subject. The students enjoyed his discomfort, and the session ended with applause rather than the silence he feared.
Blue plaques for an undistinguished life
Chris guided Scott around sites from his university years and installed blue plaques at each one. The first marked the curry house where he had eaten his first curry at 03:00. Another went on the library window beside the toilet he repeatedly visited while procrastinating during his final year.
The last plaque commemorated a bush in which he had spent several hours after a night out. Chris initially promoted the incident into an entire night, then admitted the wording was generous. Scott formally unveiled each plaque while questioning whether any of the achievements met the normal standard for public commemoration.
Live basketing with Anto Sharp
Anto Sharp, whose supermarket videos had made “You’re going straight in my basket” a viral phrase, joined the show in the university shop. Scott and Chris presented items for Anto to place either in his basket or straight in his mouth, while Chris copied the delivery with increasingly theatrical force.
The tour had used the phrase throughout the week, so meeting its creator gave the final show an appropriate payoff. Anto also put Scott himself “straight in my basket”, completing the live basketing before returning the shop to ordinary stationery and food sales.
One Laura, many dates
Scott seated Laura beside the entrance and asked her to identify attractive students as they collected wristbands. Five men were invited to share the spread prepared by Scott’s mum, creating a long group date in the middle of the live programme.
The field gradually narrowed to Jay and Josh. Chris handled the eliminations so Laura did not have to reject everybody directly, occasionally using the wrong names and making the process even more uncomfortable. Laura ultimately chose Jay. The pair agreed to meet away from the studio, giving Scott the happy ending he had promised even though Hot Lecture Guy had disappeared from the story.
In Real or No Real, a supposed comparison between Southampton Students’ Union and Bamboleo tested the university president’s loyalty, while a Sardines Society devoted to mass hide-and-seek was genuine. The five-day tour then ended, with the programme due back in its normal studio on Tuesday.
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