Ten thousand men and one very tight garment
Chris is back after an extremely compressed trip to Japan, where he filmed at the Naked Man Festival for BBC iPlayer. Before taking part, he had to be dressed in a traditional loincloth. The garment was pulled so tightly that he braced both hands against a toilet door while a Japanese man lifted and wrapped him, chanting throughout. Chris had chosen the cubicle because he did not want the changing process recorded for television; the private version was scarcely less intense.
Scott insists the white outfit looked like a nappy. Chris considers that disrespectful and invokes Tarzan in defence of the loincloth. The festival itself was like a rugby scrum involving 10,000 nearly naked men, all trying to touch a sacred stick. Two days of filming somehow contained airports, sake, failed pizza and one of the most physically overwhelming assignments Chris has attempted.
Acting innocent at customs
Returning through customs creates another ordeal. Chris has nothing to declare and has done nothing wrong, yet the green channel makes him feel exactly like a smuggler. He becomes so conscious of being watched that he performs the role of a relaxed traveller, adding an enormous yawn in front of an officer to demonstrate how innocent and tired he is.
The overacting immediately seems more suspicious. Scott recognises the universal problem: the moment authority observes you, ordinary walking and facial expressions become difficult. Chris repeatedly states that he is not a smuggler, which does not improve the impression.
Congratulations on me
The show celebrates Japanese pool player Naoyuki Oi, whose exuberant post-match interview includes “Congratulations, me!” and a burst of the Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen song. Scott initially treats pool and snooker as the same thing, then becomes an instant fan of Oi’s fearless use of his television moment.
Speed-dating Ben returns after trying a cougar-dating event without success. He is considering lock-and-key dating next, prompting jokes about his key snapping in the lock but genuine approval for continuing to try. Bangers restarts for the week, while the day belongs to two travellers: Chris has survived Japan, and Ben is still moving hopefully from one romantic niche to the next.
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