Laura returns from a wedding-packed weekend with stories of grooms recycling the same internet speech at two separate ceremonies, while the team discuss The X Factor and a sweet Japanese contestant who flew to meet Simon Cowell.
The show opens with Laura having attended two weddings over the weekend—one in Chichester and one in the Cotswolds—and she’s been showing pictures and talking about them relentlessly. The running joke becomes that both grooms used identical speeches downloaded from the internet, simply changing the bride’s name. Scott and the team identify the problematic speech online: it begins with “You’re all about to witness a unique event in history. The very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on bar,” a line so common it appeared at both of Laura’s weddings. They advise listeners to avoid it, though they note if you’re actually marrying someone called Dawn, there’s potential for jokes.
The conversation then shifts to The X Factor, which Scott says he’s loving this year. He mentions laughing at a moment when contestants were getting out the wrong door. They discuss a Japanese contestant named Toshiko who flew 5,000 miles from Japan specifically to meet Simon Cowell. She performed “My Way” with a very quiet, sweet voice. The judges gave mixed verdicts—some yes votes, but ultimately she didn’t get through. Sharon Osbourne diplomatically said she preferred to keep her in a “part,” describing her as the most adorable lady they’d seen that day, clearly being kind about her limited vocal ability.
The team also listen to various funny clips, including news footage and a caller phoning in about his cousin who dresses as different celebrities—having gone through phases as Axel Rose, Posh Spice, Johnny Vaughan, and most recently Meat Loaf.
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